Am sorry guys but the matatu post will have to break till next weekend. This is cos I had this burning feeling this post was more befitting for this week. Tedeng… Tedeng…
I don’t hate women, in fact I love women too much and that’s been my biggest problem. You know women are not people who are used to getting so much love and when they do they change. When I say change I don’t mean they change the right way, no actually they don’t even change to be worse. Their change is something if I had to capture in a sentence I would use words only PLO would understand. Ok, am not that smart. But when women change they start sticking out their bonny behinds, using their hands in artistic way to show arrogance and come up with sentences like “ …… that is so last year”, “talk to the hand” and insist you carry their 600kg bag through town. They grow an ego and if you think Jang’os got ego wait till you see a woman who has found love. She talks a lot, drinks aimlessly and stops talking to all her average looking friends. (I said average because this is not my blog if it was I would have said it as it is, well thats a lie). That is not all; they grow dreads (easy to maintain I understand), stop shopping for the high end fashion accessories and clothing that made the man (God save his soul) fall in love with her in the first place, nay I meant to say talk to her. They immediately become Oprah and Dr. Phil combined. Beware Oprah and Dr. Phil are not both Kenyans so their teachings belong to vision 2030. These women advise everybody they bump into on the proper ways to keep a relationship stable, fact that the man is waiting for an opportunity to break up with her notwithstanding.
But that’s not the worst part. This is how they stick into the noses of their men. They start hooking up all their average looking friends with their man’s clique. The good looking ones are never allowed close to this clique. They decide, I mean demand their man should go out with them every Friday nights and not to any club but those where the cheapest beer go for despicable prices. They sulk at every action their man do except for certain weird actions like bringing them a flower, taking them out to Hilton, sarova and other high end hotels. They insist you take breakfast, lunch and supper with them every day of the week. They want you to hold their hand whenever you two are walking together on the streets. And if that is not enough they begin to show disrespect to the man who saved them from a lifetime of loneliness. Beware this man might not have meant to have a relationship, he made the mistake of being drunk and taking her to his house rather than the nearby lodge. Maybe the lodge was to expensive or he had drunk all his savings and worse he missed being laid but that still doesn’t make taking the woman you picked to your house worth forgiving. The woman will dutifully wake up in the morning and cook him breakfast, clean his house and utensils and maybe the clothing he’s been reusing the last month. God bless the man who invented deodorant. The man might have seen this charitable activities going on and maybe thumped his chest at the outstanding work he did while the actually the lady is laying a trap. Am yet t meet a man who escaped their traps without a bruise. In fact the best way to put this is “Jakech ok ruak a dero” and friends if you don’t understand that am sorry I won’t lose its meaning in translation.
A week later, the girl tells her friend how she met the man of her dream, beware dreams do change, and the man is praying to God to save his soul from the ‘devil’ and his friends laughing themselves to death. These kind of women are bad but there’s a particular type that I can’t stand; women without ass. These women change faster than you can say ‘sorry’. If you have dated one you know what am talking about. I never really understand how somebody with an ass that takes a million years to hold and when you get to hold it you ask her, “Have I got it right?” can have an ego as big as a politician’s paycheck.
In my world asses rule and no man can proudly stand up and say he would date a woman with an ass less than 5GB, I understand that SI unit. Have you ever wondered the advent of words like “dump her ass?” if you haven’t today is your lucky day. You can’t dump an ass that is not ass because yu might end up breaking their pelvic bones. Men are vultures that much is true but like all vultures they like leaving some for the next vulture to feed on.
Here’s some lesson for all the ladies out there: grow some ass!! And to all the men, be careful who you take home tonight!!