Hey friends as i promised last week, here’s a sequel for the matatu post. I hope this stands and overturns the standards set thus far. This week i heard that “butterflies are God’s evidence for second chances”. help me remember that and now to the business at hand:
Am an advocate for the removal of 14 seater matatus from the road, at least I was till I took a trip recently. Being the advocate I let my stubborn ass rule in my choice of commuter car to use. This however didn’t bear fruit as midway on my already boring journey I gave up and walked back home. You would walk especially after reading the disclaimer at the back of heinously designed ticket of mbotokoto matatu sacco (not its real name of cos). But that is not how this story ends, I decided to give it another go only this time I let my friend who was lucky enough to travel with the despicable SOB (yeah! That’s me). I asked him kindly, or I wish I did, to book us into a proper matatu to take the painful road to Nyeri. I am tempted to speak about the horrendous state of the road but am gonna pass.
This time I didn’t get to town, in fact I thought I should wait for the matatu to pick me up at Roysambu. Those who have been at Roysambu have rosy stories to tell of this suburban, am sorry am not one of them. For one I find the town quite random in planning and the number of students who live there don’t make it any better as hostels crop up at every junction and space. Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate students I just can’t stand the male ones. Why can’t they leave the women alone, maybe then average looking chaps like me and maybe Musalia Mudavadi would stand a chance, seriously. This is one town that’s struggling to announce its existence betwixt the suburbs of Githuirai and that hill top sham on the flyover just before Allsorps (did I get the spelling right?). This place have pricks who charge fares of up to Kshs 100 to town a distance that in my humble gichagi would cost KSHs 10. This town however is in luck to have commuter services like Zam Zam and my favourite Paradiso, buses that have literally stretched the limit of loud music in public places.
Back to reality my friend had booked us into a matatu that looked alright from the outside but that was until you got inside the car to the glaring reality of poor music system, high fares and plenty of brown teeth. Did I mention the potential the ladies had in the art of husband battering? Before you curse me, my ex was a Kikuyu and please don’t ask me why I broke it off? Blame the news if you can. Out of all the seats, next to beautiful ladies of cos, he thought I would be more comfortable seated with him. Besides that it was the backmost middle seat without any window clearance. Before you think you understand my situation let me say the matatu was so slow that my grandma could cook diamond into soup on her jiko before I got to travel 20km. And were I headed to a funeral I probably would get there on the 2nd or 3rd anniversary. And if I was going to see a new born child in the hospital I would get there on one of his/her birthday or maybe miss them as well. A friend of mine thinks this was the matatu Jesus used in order to get to Lazarus funeral 4 days late.
The music wasn’t bad at all. It was bearable because the engine noise was louder than it and when you got to hear it, it reminded you of the nazi revolution and post election violence. One would probably kill themselves listening to such kind of music than when pledging allegiance to mount Kenya. Did I say the entire time the matatu was tuned into kikuyu fm stations including the time when I complained and the driver apologized and dutifully tuned into another Kikuyu fm station. I don’t remember quite well about the stickers but I bet were I able to read them they probably would have read, “who cares if you don’t understand, just pay the fare” or maybe “Uhuru. Tuko pamoja”
This would be a painful post as Manchester city are destined to win the league unless we get to have a sunderland goalkeeper who has experience as the full back of the Kenya national sevens team. Vampire diaries suck I wish the soddy series doesn’t get renewed for a new season. And guys one more thing, Napoleon the great once said “If rape is imminent, relax and enjoy it”