Parenting 101: fashion and trends

This past week has seen two significant things happen in the world. First, Tesla Model S was launched in US, an all electric car that flat down makes it from 0-100km/h in 4.4 secs, BMW M5 did you get that? That coupled with the fact that while the stock prices of GM go down, Tesla has had an over 40% increase in share prices this year. What’s more it costs only $100k, a price given that no more fuel and engine spare parts expenditure, is the greatest bargain of the century. Ooh unlike vitz it doesn’t use AAA batteries, it uses rechargeable set that could do between 360-500 miles on a single charge. Equally important, The Dark Knight Rises hit the cinemas and from the online blurb I witnessed, it literally took avengers out and kicked its ass till it landed into the Bermuda triangle. If you haven’t watched that, spare some change and get blown away. Ooh one more thing, its in 2D and has a 9 rating on IMDB, Kim Kadarshian could only manage a 4, and that’s cos her ass is real not fake like Nikkis. So in a world where ‘messed up’ is the status quo, let’s jump on today’s post. A piece I did with my good friend, Winnie who’s super hot by the way.

Being a parent is a daunting task that i can tell you for free and before you ask me how many I have raised the answer would be along the lines of none at all. …. See, I watch my friends do it all the time. And for most part, I feel my pushutha twicking because it brings such a warm feeling inside you. On the other part, raising kids is such a handy task, especially when it comes to matters of dressing. Dressing has become so complicated what with kids being dressed as miniature adults with the latest designs to hit the fashion blocks.

I have a friend who has twins, and I paid them a visit some time back. What amazed me was when it was time to dress, the children were so picky on what matches with what. I remember thinking to myself wistfully. Times have sure changed. See during my time, my clothes were separated into two piles, what was commonly known as Sunday best and just regular clothes. Of course the regular clothes were much more than the Sunday best pile, and I was still happy. Matter of fact I was the envy of most kids in the neighborhood, well that’s what I tell myself. I dint have self-esteem issues because I had less Sunday best clothes. All those who grew up in the nineties know what I am talking about, don’t give me that look, I know you acquired your many pairs later in life.

A notable writer of our time found at www.bikozulu.co.ke  once wrote about an experience he had with his daughter when his daughter could not settle on what to which pair of shoes much to the chagrin of her experated father. He tells that story better so am just gonna jump to the part where the daughter made a CSI scene on which colour was her favourite colour. If you ask me, decades later, I still dive into the pile of dirty shoes with my eyes closed and the pair that seems to feel good gets lucky. Easy huh! Well sometimes they are as moist and slippery as a snail. When it comes to my clothes, shirts and trousers, choosing what I can wear on whatever day is something I do while in Gikosh and it’s usually a case that’s more about the amount of money i’m willing to spend and a constant reminder that anything has to go along with anything in my wardrobe, excuse my over enthusiasm, it’s actually the metallic box I had in high school, atop of which is the full names I inherited from my grand dad and the four number admission number that has since become my ATM pin number. Good luck landing my plastic friend!

When I was growing up there were things like ”spare the rod and spoil the child” a spiritual quote that I understand is in every religious book from the bible, Kuran and whatever it is indians and Kalonzo Musyoka read. Let it not get lost on us that the bible is the most shoplifted book in the world. That says a lot about the significance of the information contained therein. It doesn’t matter your frequency of going through your designated holy book but one common thing to all of us, drunk or not we have a common set of rights. That sounded like some mathematical mumble jumble, what would you expect from a statistical major student? Nothing less.

Imagine that crazy time when fifty years you wake from your grave and see a gay Justin Bieber or a Lesbian Willow smith? C’mon that’s already happening maybe it would be worse if Martha Karua came out of the closet and confessed she’s a man trapped in a woman’s body. That too I have my doubts. The general idea is that whatever happens between the war of Somalia and Kenya you wouldn’t wanna have the son who’ll hug other men and say something like, “man, you are strong!” or one who’ll be properly skilled in sucking on a lollipop in public places. That is an activity that was long condemned into the bedroom alone time for those weirdo men who actually have the audacity to buy them and include alone time in their schedule.

Maybe am making it a lil worse but it would only get worse if already parents fail to stick their fingers into their kids faces. Cos it’s only in a world where LMFAO is king that purple, yellow and pink go together with leopard trousers.  Did I say the shoes were maroon? A story is told of a leopard who committed suicide after watching the Party Rock anthem video. RIP brother. Basically parents what am saying is that fashion trends have succeeded in making us dress less and show more flesh. That shouldn’t be a decision you choose for your kid when they are young it should be something that three puffs of weed make them do. And you don’t wanna stretch your kid’s definition of crazy cos that means that sometime later when they are 20 years older they’ll only put on a sticker above their nipples and a band aid to cover their private parts. Colour too is important but that’s a lil overstretched for a guy who’s favourite colour could be black, grey or white. I don’t know for sure.

Am no parenting expert, fashion icon, celebrated author of children’s books or a paedophile but just as I aforementioned there’s a set of rights that’s common to all men, even Hitler but that’s is “no matter how many guys are against the truth it ceases not being a true.” and so the real question we better ask ourselves is, “When the answers and the truth cut their ties, where will we stand?”

 

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